Anorexia Nervosa: The Wish to Change
How to Change: The 30 Steps
Part 4: How to live at a Normal Weight
STEPS 27-30
STEP 27
Recognise that you cannot immediately stop having many anoretic attitudes once you get to a normal weight. On the contrary, they may be intense and only whither slowly, but we are now asking you to live with them and not lose weight. Thus a lot of other things have to change along with your weight such as those listed in the IMPORTANT steps 19-21. Keep going back over these together with your family or by yourself if you have to. Such issues are fundamental to your condition and to the possibilities for change. Progress can arise as you gradually expose your body and yourself to the realities of your problems and discover how to recover by completing the 30 STEPS. It is best if you try to change these things slowly, and recognise that the time scale must be months or years. There are no short cuts to recovering from anorexia nervosa.
STEP 28
Living at a normal weight is the hardest stage of all. You have begun to give up one identity, and probably not yet found another. You are exposed to feelings that have proved unbearable in the past, and others maybe thinking that you are cured. It is your job to help them understand how you feel to explain how appearing physically better is not the same as feeling better.
STEP 29
Remember that humanity is made up of a rich diversity of people. No one is perfect and many of us are far from perfect. If we have all been importantly influenced by our environment then blame is not a usual concept at this stage for you or, for instance, your parents. You undoubtedly need atleast one friend or other such person whom you can trust and with whom and through whom you can continue to grow. You cannot expect such a person, if indeed they are going to be strong enough to help you, to meet your every felt need at this stage. Indeed do not rush into commitments. As we have said before, give yourself a year or two after getting your weight back. Remember you have some catching up to do first in discovering who you are.
STEP 30
Allow others to help you. As we have said, living at a normal weight is the hardest thing of all. It is now that you will need extra support to help you cope with those things that your anorexia has enabled you to avoid in the past. while this support maybe available to you within your family or circle of friends, or a self-help group, it is probably worth considering allowing a professional therapist to help you at this stage. Remember you do not have to be underweight or eating abnormally to ask for help. Help maybe available from many sources. If you do not hit it off with the first person you see, don’t assume no one can help, try again, it’s worth it. YOU ARE WORTH IT.
