Racism, Conflict, Genocide, and my Eating Disorder

 

 

 

Seeing the influx of confused Refugees entering Pakistan was terribly painful to witness. And now after twenty years, we know the invasion was simply unlawful and lead to the deaths of 212,000 innocent civilians who were simple labelled as collateral damage as if their lives meant nothing.

I tried to justify Pakistan’s involvement in the war but deep down I knew there was no justification for such merciless bombing and displacement of millions of people.

Not to mention it left me with great anxiety when it came to International travels. I started to hate airports and flying, because how people would look at anyone who looked like a Muslim. The never ending security checks would leave you feeling exposed and violated and with so much negative coverage of Muslims in the media, you were constantly on edge.

 

Dear Visitors,

 

Please find below my personal account of impact of conflict, Islamophobia on my mental health. I share this  post in response to current unstoppable genocide in Gaza Palestine. I thank everyone for their support and their cooperation, thank you so much for sharing your personal experience an standing up for Haq.

 

While the short-term effects of Conflict can be severe, most people don’t suffer any long-term harm. Occasionally, people do develop long-term problems, such as depression or anxiety-related illnesses or a long-lasting health condition known as post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD).

Palestine is bleeding and so are we. From East to West, we all feel the pain of what is happening in Gaza.

As an ED advocate, this is the toughest period of my life. It’s like we all are experiencing and feelings the same emotions, fear, helplessness, sadness, depression, loneliness, powerless and at loss.

 

The text book genocide in Gaza is so tough on the mind, the soul and the physical body. Those of us who suffer from Eating Disorders; whether in recovery or with a history of this condition, are finding this time very tough.  The World Eating Disorder community, organizations and media only tends to
focus on Muslims and Eating Disorders when it’s the month of Ramadan. I wish they would understand the impact of the conflict on the severity of ED symptoms and would stand against the genocide and offer trauma support to the sufferers.

 

Please let me make this clear- this is a time of unprecedented struggle and upheaval. I too feel helpless and overwhelmed by what is happening in Gaza. It has bought back numerous traumatic memories from the past wars and conflicts.

My first clear memory of war is when Afghanistan was invaded by American led International coalition in 2001. It left me shaken. All of a sudden, Muslims were under scrutiny, there was a stigma, overt racism, bigotry, stereotyping and increase in hate crimes. I was a teenager and I simply couldn’t fathom the justification behind invasion of Afghanistan. I still remember the threatening statements coming from the USA and its allies, ‘Every nation, in every region, now has a decision to make. Either you are with us, or you are with the terrorists.

Seeing the influx of confused Refugees entering Pakistan was terribly painful to witness. And now after twenty years, we know the invasion was simply unlawful and lead to the deaths of 212,000 innocent civilians who were simple labelled as collateral damage as if their lives meant nothing.

I tried to justify Pakistan’s involvement in the war but deep down I knew there was no justification for such merciless bombing and displacement of millions of people.

Not to mention it left me with great anxiety when it came to International travels. I started to hate airports and flying, because how people would look at anyone who looked like a Muslim. The never ending security checks would leave you feeling exposed and violated and with so much negative coverage of Muslims in the media, you were constantly on edge.

What really broke me and my faith in the system was Iraq war in 2003. We spoke against the war, we went to the protest in London but to no avail. I spent days in my room in a state of melancholy. I felt helpless. I had gone to the protest. I had presented a paper in my seminar on how war was not the
solution. And I felt broken. Something inside me died that day. There were so many lies told about this war that to this day, none of the war criminals, namely Blair and Bush, have been tried for their crimes and bought to justice.  It made me see how unfair everything was, the people who had colonized the
world and inflicted so much trauma on millions of millions of people were still exercising their colonial power. Human right were only reserved for the white skinned colonisers.

I was slightly composed in 2005 when I went to study International conflict at post graduate level. I really thought my degree will pave a way for me to work towards prevention of future wars and liberation of occupied lands. I had put my soul and heart into studying conflict resolution and was so optimistic that my work will stop all the wars and we will have a safe and sound and peaceful world. How wrong was I?

The optimism died a horrible death with the Lebanon war in 2006 and ongoing genocide in Palestine. Then there was Arab spring, which gave us some hope, but soon that flicker of hope also died with the interference of the west once again.

And not to mention I was also reaching my initial stages of peak with my illness. I felt everything was out of my control. My work was not making a difference and I couldn’t understand why human right didn’t apply to everyone.

When the Syria war happened in 2009, I had hit peak with my illness.  I watched Syrian war with a dead mind, as I was deep deep into my illness.
Powerlessness leads to the belief that important outcomes in life are controlled by external forces and other persons, rather than by one’s.

 

When things feel chaotic, overwhelming and out of control, it’s common to focus on the one thing you do have power over your body.

Unfortunately, this idea can lead to food restriction as a coping mechanism. It provides a distraction from all the chaos and creates a feeling of control, alleviating stress and worry. But when taken to extremes, you could get trapped in a cycle of counting calories, restricting food intake, exercising, and
checking your weight.  Over time, this pattern of behaviour can become ingrained and develop into an eating disorder.

 

Unfortunately, the horror didn’t stop at Syria, Yemen, Sudan, Palestine, Kashmir, Burma, Northern Pakistan, India. The list was growing by each passing year, and what did all this have in common? For the past 75 years we have seen ongoing wars in Muslim countries.

Eating disorders are insidious, tricky diseases. They slowly unravel, persuading you to succumb to their demands; and sometimes, the demands are to eat less, binge, purge, or restrain from eating entirely. When an eating disorder takes over, it doesn’t just command your diet. It takes over your brain, behavioural patterns, emotions, and decisions. Even if you are hungry, your eating disorder voice manipulates you to change the idea of what “hungry” really means to you.

Psychologically, an eating disorder like anorexia can provide a sense of mastery over your body. Rigid rules and rituals around eating create a feeling of structure, predictability and security. You may feel that you are handling life well because you’re able to make the changes you want to see in your body, even if those changes aren’t healthy

It was 2015 when a trip to Istanbul changed my life and I started to pull out of my illness. It was a meeting with Syrian Orphans in Istanbul that made me realise that instead of looking at failed governments, failed institutes, sell out
leaders, we as individuals have a great responsibility towards humanity.  You can read about my Istanbul Experience here.

Also past few years have been slightly more unkind, with COVID 19, natural disasters, bombing of Libya, non-stop war in Yemen, Syria, prosecution of Muslims in Burma, Kashmir, China and India. The over throw of government in Pakistan, where the U.S. state department told the Pakistani government to remove Imran Khan as PM over his neutrality on the Russian invasion of Ukraine, was heart-breaking.  It hurts so deeply that such preachers of democracy and human rights would interfere in a poor country and in doing so they have destroyed the country’s infrastructure. During these times, unfortunately once again, my illness provided a refuge.  There was so much sadness, grief and disbelief with what was happening and why it was happening.

The trauma of war can be passed down to generations. Part of the issue is that consumers of wars or bystanders are often themselves unaware that they have PTSD.

 

I went to Iraq in 2023. I was there for religious pilgrimage and the minute we landed in Baghdad, everything from 2003 came flooding back. I was in shock and overwhelmed. Iraq was in ruins and the poverty on streets was shocking. Twenty years of bombing, war crimes and no one was held responsible. The
few self-elected Members of Security Council were free to bomb and kill anyone without being held accountable.

My ten days in Iraq were painful. Broken streets and so much poverty and little children begging on streets. Wasn’t this the richest country in Middle East before the west decided that oil was more important then human life?

 

And we will always remember the October 2023 Genocide in Palestine. Israel has been explicit about what it’s carrying out in Gaza. The Question is Why isn’t the world listening? Why is UN time and time again failing to stop the genocide? Why the UK where I live which was so quick to attack Afghanistan and Iraq is standing shoulder to shoulder with the perpetrators of genocide?

 

Palestinians suffering is unbearable to watch They have no water, no fuel, no food, no power. As Israel’s intense, relentless bombardment in Gaza rages on, civilian casualties have reached a record high. Let’s not overlook the profound

impact genocide on people’s mental health. The overt racism, bigotry and such a heartless stance by world leaders on how Palestinian lives don’t matter is disgusting.

 

I take this opportunity to say that there is no way the world will ever forget this Genocide. This will remain alive in our minds, souls and blood for as long as we live. There’s no way to avoid sorrow, adversity, or distress in life. In response to the current situation in Gaza, people’s mental health has suffered
gravely, there’s increase in anxiety, change in appetite, feeling of anger, frustration and inability to sleep.

Problem is that using maladaptive behaviours is not actually helping you with any of the situation in life.

Real freedom comes from realizing that you cannot control everything in life. There are simply things that will happen that you could not have predicted and that you cannot change after the fact. All of these issues are part of the human experience, but they are also out of your control. However, you can control how you respond to those events in a way that is positive for your mental and physical health. You can regain power over those events by adapting and finding alternate coping strategies.

Your stand against the genocide is making a difference. Your Voice Matters. What matters more is your prayers. They matter. Please don’t feel helpless, don’t lose hope. The events in Gaza have taught all of us that there are things that matter to us more than our illness.

Resilience is the ability to cope with the loss, change, and trauma that have been inevitable parts of life even before these extraordinary times. Building resilience can help you better adapt to life-changing events, cope with turbulent times, and bounce back from hardship and tragedy.

 

If you’re dealing eating disorder and feel out of control, now is the time to seek the help you need.