The concept of seeing a psychologist was so foreign to me that it never crossed my mind until a friend (so dearly appreciated) suggested it and I started hearing more similar-aged individuals discuss mental health services. To see people of common contexts as me, specifically Muslim
students, bravely speak up about mental health and put in strength and faith to accept and undergo treatment really helped open my mind up for doing so myself. The ingrained narrative of needing psychological help equating to “weak faith and shame” started shifting to equal strong faith as it called for taking care of my brain and overall health, the amanah, and getting educated on what mental health truly means.
Dear Readers,
Please find a guest post by Maya Safwan. We are so grateful to Maya for sharing her deep personal journey with us. Inshallah it will help many people on road to recovery and healing.
Being a Muslim with an Eating Disorder: Blaming Faith to Utilizing Faith
By: Maya Safwan
Date: 31 August 2023
“I will not give up on me” is a saying I keep with me as, with the mercy and help from Allah and strength and patience He blesses me with, I try to battle my way out of an eating disorder. From self-blame and overwhelming guilt to utilizing faith in Allah, a 180° perspective shift on mental
health disorders, specifically eating disorders, was made.
An eating disorder is not your fault! Firstly, it should be fully understood that eating disorders are not a choice. As Gaurda (n.d.), an expert reporting in the American Psychiatric Association states, although there is no single cause for an eating disorder, a combination of genetics, environment, and neuroscience are likely risk factors for eating disorder development and exacerbation. No one chooses their genes, nor environment, nor neuroscience.
This understanding was crucial for bringing myself out of a place of self-blame and combating external blame such as “why are you doing this to yourself, starving yourself!”, “what you’re doing does not please Allah” and “you’re not faithful enough and a bad Muslim since you’re
forbidding yourself from what Allah made Halal”. Blaming my faith only added to the guilt I was already so sunken in, as it led to the idea that I am mistreating my body, which is a blessing and an “amanah” (a trust or fidelity) from Allah. It was important to understand that my eating disorder was harming my body and my mind, and the disorder was not me. It is an illness that alters the way my brain works and distorts my image of myself. It helped to separate it from my true self, which is a research-backed strategy. As Williams et al. (2016) elaborates, recovery from Anorexia Nervosa involves finding the real self, separating it from the disorder, and accepting fear of the unknown. This can also apply to recovery from different types of eating disorders, although each individual’s experience differs. Eating disorder behaviors are not turned off by a switch and engaging in them is not pleasurable to the afflicted, they are complex and very real symptoms of a disorder. To blame yourself for the harm that eating disorders inflict on the body is like blaming yourself for a flu or for having a genetic mutation or any other illness, all of which are completely involuntary. If your body, the amanah that Allah gave you, is being damaged by an eating disorder or any other illness, really, this should only serve as a reason to genuinely seek help and pray for Allah’s guidance and relief, not to blame your way into a deeper hole of guilt, self-loath, and regression.
Eating disorders affect Muslims, and sufferers are not automatically less religious. Any male or female in any shape and size and from any background and any religion can have an eating disorder. Muslims, too, can suffer from eating disorders and suffering from one does not minimize a Muslim’s spirituality or religiousness. It’s obvious that Muslims get sick like any other human, but less acknowledged is the fact that Muslims suffer from mental disorders too.
Historically, Muslim scholars, such as Abu Bakar Muhammad Zakaria Al-Razi, recognized mental health and even introduced treatment methods and published books about psychotherapy (Sabry & Vohra, 2023). Eating disorders are much deeper than a sole problem with superficial
appearance and food, as they are often coping mechanisms (Craig, 2023), underlie significant emotional pain, loud and controlling thoughts, and can be comorbid with trauma, anxiety, depression, and several other mental health problems (Mayo Clinic, 2023).
By: Maya Safwan
Date: 31 August 2023
Eating disorders can be hidden struggles: Moreover, eating disorders can be sneaky and disguise behind a façade of productivity and “fitness”. While severely restricting and struggling with my mental health, I was always ensuring good grades, attending Quran lessons, and showing up to the world as a “productive” person. In hindsight, I was not productive because what would have been productive is to truly take accountability for my mental and physical health and to admit struggle to Allah. While I was seemingly staying on top of my learning, socializing just enough to not instill worry, and ensuring no shortcoming in my religious and spiritual endeavors, I was not really there. I was so numb that I felt no connection to anything or anyone, never truly learned or felt the value in knowledge, and rarely had a present heart when praying or remembering Allah. I was cold, both
physically and in my character. Social gatherings always had to be preceded by immense anxiety regarding food and intense planning on excuses to avoid eating, never actually connecting or concentrating with others during social activities, and an aftermath of guilt and sadness. That
eventually became the way everyday felt and looked. Life with an eating disorder is painful and is so far from peace or tranquility. If you suspect an eating disorder in someone you love, please confront them with kindness and be a safe, nonjudgmental place they can come to. If you suspect one in yourself, please speak up and never give up on yourself, if someone does not take you (which is very very hard and feels invalidating), reach out to someone else and do not feel guilty to try different strategies and services to find what works for you. Your health is worth investing in and prioritizing.
Seeking professional help and integrating faith: It can be extremely challenging to seek professional help such as psychological, medical, and
nutritional intervention, as such interventions can be seen as a financial, emotional, and potentially “reputation-harming” expense to the afflicted and the family. Understanding the health dangers and potentially life-threatening effects of any type of eating disorder can motivate a sense of urgency and raise awareness on the importance of seeking intervention. It is not easy, but very necessary for all types of eating disorders as any abnormal eating patterns inflict some kind of health problem. Thus, getting appropriate support and professional intervention really is preserving a life.
However, it is important to recognize that not everyone is fortunate enough to access help; hence, more informed conversation and understanding should be strived for, with hope and prayers for increased accessibility, acceptance, and awareness. Accessing treatment for eating disorders is a necessity that should not be viewed as a luxury.
The concept of seeing a psychologist was so foreign to me that it never crossed my mind until a friend (so dearly appreciated) suggested it and I started hearing more similar-aged individuals discuss mental health services. To see people of common contexts as me, specifically Muslim
students, bravely speak up about mental health and put in strength and faith to accept and undergo treatment really helped open my mind up for doing so myself. The ingrained narrative of needing psychological help equating to “weak faith and shame” started shifting to equal strong faith as it called for taking care of my brain and overall health, the amanah, and getting educated on what mental health truly means.
By: Maya Safwan
Date: 31 August 2023
Notwithstanding that, in my experience, integrating faith enabled fully believing in being healable and genuinely admitting about being unwell. For a while, I was receiving treatment but never believed I deserve to recover, and was constantly convinced that it was not “a big deal” as it is common for eating disorders to blind the afflicted from the real harm taking place. Even upon getting to a life-threatening state, I still never felt valid enough to be recovering, believed I was “helpless” or an exception to those who can recover, and would paradoxically receive some compliments about my appearance and “willpower” to avoid certain foods, in addition to belittlement and disregard from some people. Lots of love to anyone experiencing something similar and know that your experience is valid and any pain or hardship you are facing is worth getting help for. You do not have to wait for your health to suffer even mildly to take action and keep speaking up.
Starting recovery:
Personally, there was no explicit “click” that pushed me to commit to real recovery. Rather, it was a gradual process as I started to stop denying my condition and pray for help and Allah’s guidance with gradually increasing sincerity congruent with decreasing self-blame and minimization or belittling of my struggles.
As Ramadan approaches, I like to think of this month as a chance for good change. Gratefully, I was blessed to feel a true connection with Allah again and really focus on praying with a present heart (however, this can happen anytime and not just in Ramadan). This chance drove admitting
my struggle to Allah and need for help. I came to Allah with no clue on how to get better or what step to take, but just believed in my heart that He will help me and will organize the means and the people that support me. Any help in any from will come from Allah in the end.
“And when I am ill, it is He who cures me” (Alshu’ara [26]: 80).
That acknowledgement and prayer gave me strength to voice my worries and open up, to promise myself to put in the effort to fight against the restrictions and harming behaviors, and to open my heart and mind to learn concepts and strategies that fostered a shift in my mindset
regarding my self-image, food, body, control, and all aspects of my wellbeing.
Allah planned the means for me to find help in different forms. He gave me the bravery to talk about it and sent people that put aside time and effort to listen to me and even access the suitable professional services I needed, most helping of those people was someone I did not expect and
did not know for long yet but felt urged to open up to. Allah helped me find a professional that I as able to accept, respond to, and improve with, keeping in mind that I tried seeing multiple nutritionists, doctors, and therapists before without success, not due to any shortcoming from the professionals’, which I’m so grateful for each and every one of whom, but due to personal need for more tailored and specific treatment. Also, Allah is giving me the capacity to learn and discover reasons that keep me going, and perseverance to keep trying and not giving up on myself. To be realistic about obstacles, several people I opened up to only left me with shame, blame, and invalidation, and I spent on multiple services that did not help me and got on the verge of giving up too many times, but there are ups that come too and there is patience and perseverance that help push through and see the hikma (wisdom) in the bigger picture. Again, you really have to not give up on yourself, ever.
By: Maya Safwan
Date: 31 August 2023
Realizing that I can use my faith to support my recovery rather than to dig a deeper whole of guilt was like a bright lightbulb moment. In fact, praying, dua, and Quran all help me cope with the intense guilt and anxiety I experience. I understand that it is not the lack of these deeds or Imam that cause eating disorders, just as it is not the lack of imaan that causes other equally valid illnesses. My faith was being affected in the long term, as my condition made me less able to connect, but it was not a shortcoming in my faith that led to the development of my eating disorder. It is not my fault that the disorder takes away from my overall spiritual, emotional, physical, intellectual, and social well-being. Instead, I started to view the disorder as a test or hardship, and something I am going through that holds wisdom and has “hikma”. Most importantly, having an eating disorder does not minimize faithfulness, but faith can aid recovery, and recovery is so possible, as “Allah does not charge a soul except [with that within]its capacity.” (Al-Baqara [2], 286).
Why I chose to share this?
An insight from Surat Ad-Duhaa is that Allah (SwT) tells the prophet (PBUH) to use what he went though in the past as a drive to help those going through the same thing. The prophet knows what it’s like to be an orphan, so he was ordered to not oppress the orphans. “Did He not find you an orphan and give [you]refuge?” (93:6)
Later on in the Surah, Allah says “So as for the orphan, do not oppress [him].”(93:9). This reminds me that I can always use what I experience to be compassionate with others and help those in the same place I am in, and I pray that I get to be a source of hope. Sharing and recovering loudly keeps others from suffering in silence.
References:
Craig, L. (2023, February 20). More than food: What are Eating Disorders? The Study Blog. https://studyblog.warwick.ac.uk/2023/02/23/more-than-food-what-are-eating- disorders/
Guarda, A. (n.d.). Expert Q&A: Eating disorders. https://www.psychiatry.org/patients- families/eating-disorders/expert-q-and-a Mayo Clinic. (2023, March 28). Eating disorders – Symptoms and causes – Mayo Clinic. Mayo Clinic. https://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/eating-disorders/symptoms- causes/syc-20353603
Sabry, W., & Vohra, A. (2013). Role of Islam in the management of Psychiatric disorders. Indian Journal of Psychiatry, 55(6),205. https://doi.org/10.4103/0019-5545.105534
By: Maya Safwan
Date: 31 August 2023
Williams, K. B., King, J. R., & Fox, J. (2015). Sense of self and anorexia nervosa: A grounded theory. British Journal of Medical Psychology, 89(2),
211–228. https://doi.org/10.1111/papt.12068
