“Don’t you know yet? It is your light that lights the worlds.”
Trigger Warning: The Content in this article maybe sensitive and triggering for some people as it discusses Eating Disorder in depth.
I haven’t mentioned that I left my therapist a year before because she wanted to admit me to a psych ward that has no patient like me, and I refused so she printed me a paper for my parents to sign that we refuse the medical advice of me being admitted to a psych ward and that she is taking off my responsibility if anything happened to me as my bloods were starting to get bad and so on. So I searched for a new therapist a year after and I found I good one, he was an ED specialist and really changed how I think of therapists here, he listened to my story and accepted it, never forced me to do anything he always let me choose and he was very patient, until I FINALLY chose to get better.
Please find below a real life story from Egypt. We thank Naura for sharing her experience with us.
I’ve been struggling with binge eating, hiding food and eating in secret since I was 5 years old, I was always a chubby kid, that got bullied ALOT ! I used to get it all out in eating, and even my mom was scared because I was at a risk of getting diabetes so she started to get me in a diet, remove oil, flour and all unhealthy foods at home, that’s why I started buying food and eating it in secret and as time went by I gained more weight. Until the age of 11, I was overweight, barely eating any veggies, relying on sweets, chocolate and unhealthy fast food.
“Stop acting so small. You are the universe in ecstatic motion.”
My mum got me in a new diet that is a bit close to keto and that was her biggest mistake because I always have been at the risk of developing an eating disorder. So the diet went well for a couple of days then I binged and returned to the diet. that way it became an endless cycle. I started not taking any lunch with me to school, starve myself all day and binge at night. I developed severe depression and anxiety, body dysmorphia and started self harming at the age of 12 ! One day at school I was in a fiqh class we were learning how fasting can be broken so it mentioned self induced vomiting, and I was like what ? How is that even possible. So a friend beside me said yes that’s true you can vomit by sticking your fingers down your throat. And that’s how it began, I started searching about it and discovered eating disorders, I wished I had one, and I stopped eating at the beginning of Ramadan 2018 but that didn’t last long as my parents forced me to eat so I found no way out except purging, so I started doing it daily and they were very suspicious. But one day they found out and they started forcing me to eat without going the toilet. And that made me even way more angry at them and myself. Until they lost all control over me so I started binging so hard and then vomiting, also I didn’t mention I started therapy for my depression and anxiety since I was 12 and my stupid therapist diagnosed me with bulimia she didn’t even accept me telling her once I haven’t eaten all day ! So after being in that cycle for nearly 2 years, I started vomiting blood so I have done 3 upper endoscopy, that showed on the last ones that I have Mallory Weiss syndrome and that if I continued on purging my esophagus would rupture, my parents was terrified as the doctor screamed at them that I can die if I did that again. Anyways I stopped shoving my hands down my throat but I haven’t remembered that I have developed something worse than that which is rumination syndrome, I started eating very little amounts of no fat, no sugar, no flour, no calories food and ruminated it, I survived on nothing for almost a year and I dropped to a very very low weight, also I used to abuse laxatives and that led me to hospital and ICU admissions and that was also because of very low potassium and phosphorus due to very low intake and excessive rumination that was 7 times per day. I was in my worst state, I hated my life, faked a smile and lied to my parents about what I ate and what I not.
I haven’t mentioned that I left my therapist a year before because she wanted to admit me to a psych ward that has no patient like me, and I refused so she printed me a paper for my parents to sign that we refuse the medical advice of me being admitted to a psych ward and that she is taking off my responsibility if anything happened to me as my bloods were starting to get bad and so on. So I searched for a new therapist a year after and I found I good one, he was an ED specialist and really changed how I think of therapists here, he listened to my story and accepted it, never forced me to do anything he always let me choose and he was very patient, until I FINALLY chose to get better, I started decreasing the number of time I do the rumination thing, I started not weighing myself multiple times a day, started to tell all my thoughts of the anorexia that we called “monster” I got a lot better and now I have been 6 weeks out of hospital, I’m not weight restored but I’m much better that before, i also got very motivated to recover after I unfollowed all non recovery accounts and following recovery ones. I’m also very thankful for my parents that they waited so long for me to choose being better and supported me though each and every thing.