Dear Readers,
Please find below a wonderful post by Ali Kerr , Recovery Coach, Nutritional therapist, Author & founder of Bulimiahelp.org. Bulimia/Anorexia Nervosa weight loss is an illusion. However, a key driver of eating disorder behaviour is the illusion of emotional stabilisation and feeling better for it. How compellingly seductive this illusion can be is proven by the financial expense and health risks we are prepared to take. Often we start on the path of what might later turn into an addiction, with naivety, innocence and the belief that we can put on the breaks when we need to. However, the real emotional need is that of containing emotions, which we believe we are unable to handle on our own. And from previous experiences we know that engaging in this behaviour may dull the emotional distress. Soon this ED behaviour becomes the container of our distress. With it we can handle the situation better, or ignore it; we feel better, and we believe we can take on more, but let me tell you that’s an illusion. Eating Disorder behaviors are dangerous and they can kill. We will need to be ready to question the illusionary emotional container that ED is, and be prepared to take control and trust that we will get through the sometimes rough ride of physical and emotional withdrawal. Emotional strength needs to be harnessed at the same time for confidence in our own coping ability to grow. Ali Kerr helps us to understand the reality behind this illusion. I hope this will post will help you in your journey to recovery. Also if you would like to like to work with Ali on your recovery from binge eating disorder or bulimia nervosa please submit your application here.
Do you ever feel like your eating disorder is actually giving something in return?
Perhaps some form of benefit?
Although, I hesitate to say it… in the beginning I must say I found being bulimic a little exciting.
For the first time I was allowing myself to eat a range of foods that I never allowed myself to eat.
I thought it was helping me control my weight, that it was my emotional outlet at times of stress, that it was my support blanket when I had nothing else to turn too.
And then I had a reality check.
Lying slumping on the toilet floor, heart palpitating, head spinning, fearing for your life can do that to you.
And that is what it all boils down to.
The harsh cold reality was that all my eating disorder was slowly killing me.
Not just on a physical level either.
It was chipping away at my soul, at my personality.
I went from being a happy, confident woman to someone who just wanted to hide away from the world each day and be alone with food – and lots of it!
I thought about nothing else besides food and planning my next binge spree.
I would plan how to dodge people I knew so I could get to the shops and then into my bedroom so I could be all alone to binge.
I used to envy people who lived alone, thinking they were lucky for having access to a bathroom without listening ears or people looking over their shoulder.
My days were spent walking about in a trance, full of anxiety, full of paranoia.
I became absolutely miserable and my only release was binging and purging.
For ten years bulimia robbed me of my life.
My point is there is nothing positive about having an eating disorder. It’s an illusion that it gives you any benefit. It just takes, takes and takes until there is nothing left.
Yes, recovery is challenging, but living with an eating disorder is a LOT more challenging.
Next time you binge and purge, have a think of how truly AWFUL you feel after it’s all done. What do you really want, to be bulimic? or to be recovered?
If it’s to be bulimic, then think of the future you as you keep going further and further into the pits of bulimia, as it steals everything from you, including your health, then ask that question again.
I receive a large amount of emails daily, the one that stood out the most was a lady emailing me telling me her gran is still bulimic at 83! She’s had it since she was 16!
Behaviours don’t just change as we age, we have got to stand up NOW and make the commitment to yourself to say “enough is enough”… “NOW is the right time to make these CHANGES in my life.”
I have recovered and I have coached many people who have also recovered. So I know it is 100% possible to make these changes.
It’s the best feeling on the planet to get your beautiful life back again. This is why I always state that RECOVERY is your NO1 priority.
We only get one chance on earth, don’t choose to “trance out” on your wonderful years.
A recovered life is a beautiful life,
YOU can have this.
You CAN recover.
Never let anyone convince you otherwise. Especially your own self 🙂
Ali Kerr
