For Love – Eating Disorder Healing

The minute I heard my first love story I started looking for you, not knowing how blind that was. Lovers don’t finally meet somewhere. They’re in each other all along.

— Rumi

Dear Readers,

I was sent this video by a reader in Devrek Turkey months ago. It took long time to get her to share something small from her journey with us.

I can’t remember how long I suffered from Eating Disorder. There was obsession with self harm, alcohol and eating.  I was fast losing hope.  It was a doctor at the hospital in Ankara who played a big part in my life. He treated me for cuts in emergency.  I wanted to be discharged, go home and be miserable. He wanted keep me in observation. We argued and ultimately I won. As I was leaving, he said few words to me about human ego, about illusory self and feeding on addictions to fill inner space.

I walked out vowing never to see that doctor again.

Weeks later lonely and miserable I broke down on a beach and cried and cried. I wanted to feel peace, but mostly I wanted to feel loved. I always looked at family, friends and anyone for love, affection and fulfillment but I never got any. I was lonely and sad.

I went back to the same doctor and after hours of crying, I found answers to my questions.

It took me years of practice and discipline to let go of alcohol, self-harm, to achieve balance and to accept myself. Letting go of my addictions was the hardest thing I ever did. But I had two options; it was either my desire to please my lesser self or to fall in ocean of love with the One who created me in perfection. I’ve embarked on a journey of divine love.  

It’s no easy journey as it involves letting go of desires, ignoring that voice in your head that tells you all you need to do is ‘lose weight,’ and ‘hate yourself’ . This journey involves eating for body and soul and not to fill an empty space in your life. My message: Addictions, Eating Disorders will prevent you from discovering this unique path of love, this path of transcendent light and fulfillment. Being in presence of divine love means being away from the disordered away of life and having a mind free from negative thoughts.

I invite you to watch this video. I invite you to fall in Love.

For Love

By Ahmed Hulusi