Haider’s Eating Disorder- One Muslim Man’s Inspiring Battle for Survival- Part 3

Males with bulimia have a high prevalence of depression, anxiety disorder substance abuse and personality disorder; particularly cluster B personality disorders – i.e. borderline, histrionic, narcissistic, and anti-social personality disorders. This is exactly the same as in females.

Dear Readers,

Please find below final sequel of the story. Thank you for your patience and thank you for your comments. please do bear in mind, this story was shared from the heart, we didn’t edit. The driving force behind this story telling was Haider’s wife, she really felt the need to tell this story.  I really thank her for her support for our blog and I wish her and her husband Zillions of years of happiness, peace and blessings.

I met a very shy and beautiful woman in Hunza, She was my birth mother. Up until that day, I had only cried at my grandmother’s funeral. As she wept bitterly, hugging me, kissing me, my uncle also broke down in tears. Such was the power of her tears. She was seeing her son for the first time after 20 years. And then the recovery process began. I stayed in Hunza with her for three months. I couldn’t go back, I was still angry with my father. I struggled to get used to the simple lifestyle and a simple diet. For someone who lived on junk food, fast food and everything fried, I struggled with organic mountain food.

As days turned into weeks, my body became accustomed to the pure food. I would watch my mother Noor, sit on the floor with her legs crossed, and eat a very moderate portion on her plate. She wouldn’t start her meal without me. We struggled to talk to each other, as language was most times a barrier. But then it was her love – “Are you ok?”, “Are you comfortable?”, “Do you want to go back to your father?” were her questions.

 

She never re-married. I often question her decision. She was young and could have built a new life for herself, but then maybe she knew I was going to return one day.

Depression lifted as I slept next to my mother in the same room. Nights in valley were cold, and days long. I either read the books I had brought with me, or I studied my Qur’an with her. I helped her with her chores every day and we became a team. University, throwing up, Bulimia all became a very distant memory.

I returned to the UK. She wanted me to go back and continue with my studies, so I went straight to the university counselling department. I was recommended a support group which i immediately joined. They listened, helped as I started the program again. This time with the degree set in numbers. I loved soling numbers. I went ahead and strictly followed an eating plan

I called her. I didn’t go to my father. My aim was to work and study hard so you can see her in summer. Sometimes anger against my family overwhelmed me and I would comfort eat and binge eat but I always tried to recover quickly and get right back on track. After three years, I graduated and I wanted her to come to my graduation ceremony. The visa application process was very difficult with So many unnecessary questions, lengthy forms, and fees. It was my boss at the restaurant who supported the application, and she was able to come to England.

I finally acquired my degree. It made the news, and all of a sudden, family members remembered I existed. Congratulatory messages poured. My father received flowers, cakes and sweets at home. It was a big thing in the community. I didn’t say a word. My mother is a very forgiving person, she taught me forgiveness, which for me was hard to emulate and which I still haven’t fully done.

I moved to Doha for a job. She came to join me. ‘Why don’t you get married?’She asked me, I felt bad for her. I worked all day and she was always home alone. She was content. She was a woman who was always content in the mountains.

One day she said to me, “I think this woman will make a good wife.” She was referring to my colleague from Canada who was Arab. I was surprised. I married her three months later though and before I could heath a sigh of relief; I lost my mother. This happened last year. When I lost my grandmother, I gained my mother, when I lost my mother; I gained my wife and a daughter. My wife really helped me through my depression. My mother was right; she’s a good person with a good heart.

My bulimia was terrible and I am glad to see it behind me. Men suffer from all kinds of mental health problems. I suffered from Bulimia, binge eating, depression and low self esteem. The worst was bulimia and depression.

Today I am grateful to my father, if he hadn’t challenged me, I wouldn’t have stayed on in Pakistan for that long. My mother’s love and prayers really helped with my recovery. They really helped to ease the recovery journey. Counselling was the key. Eating wholesome food, and filling my time with physical activity such as basketball and volunteering were also critical. I changed my lifestyle and that really helped.

 

The men who suffer from bulimia must battle misconceptions and stigma, as well as the illness itself. Misconceptions of male eating disorders keep men from getting the help they need. We as a society need to do more to erase this stigma. Many treatment options for men suffering from eating disorders, as well as support for their families and loved ones is available. But one thing we cannot do alone is break down the stigma of male eating disorders in our society, which can stop someone from reaching out for help, from finding support from others, and even from being a part of their own lives.

Take the Pledge today and stop the Stigma.

Images: Google