Islam Fathers Love, Daughters, Eating Disorders

Islam often discusses the value and importance of Mothers.  In fact, Rasulullah (s) has stated several Hadith in regards to the superiority of Mothers.  Islam recognizes that Mothers bare the burden of pregnancy, undergo birth pains in delivering the baby, and sacrifices her own comforts to provide comfort to her children. However, it is important to note that the role of a father is also highly recognized in Islam.  It is said that

“God’s pleasure is in the pleasure of the father, and God’s displeasure is in the displeasure of the father.”

Fathers are significant because they are commanded by Allah (swt) to work hard to provide the physical, educational, psychological, and spiritual needs of a child.  ‘Ali ibn al-Husain (r) is reported to have said,

“The right of your father on you is that you should know that it is he who brought you into existence, and you are a branch of the tree of his life.”**

Dear Readers,

Happy Fathers Day to all the Fathers in the world. Fathers Day is a celebration of Fatherhood. Today, I salute all those great great fathers who’ve helped their daughters in their war against eating disorder. According to an article from Family and Consumer Sciences, “Fathers are essential to the healthy growth and development of their children. Dads bring a unique perspective to the family and lives of their children.”**

I believe people with eating disorders do better when they have support from family members and friends. Those whose loved ones are involved and supportive tend to recover more quickly, experience fewer relapses and use minimal of behaviors.

In my journey to recovery from Eating Disorder, I learned that it’s Father’s love that can really help to defeat the demon of Eating Disorder. A simple word of praise from my father had more profound impact on me then the evil whispers of the demon of Eating Disorder. His simple praises inspired me and sabotaged the whispers of the demon of eating disorder. He made me believe in myself, simply by telling me that how special I am.

Fathers have a powerful influence on the healthy development of their daughters and sons.

Eating Disorders tear families apart. My illness could have destroyed so many relations, but I thank God for my parents support who  stood by my side in my testing times. Dealing with the ups and downs of Eating Disorder can be difficult—and not just for the person with the illness but also for the loved ones. I will be very very honest here, my moods and behaviors did affect everyone around—especially family members and close friends. There were many times when I had angry outbursts, and made irresponsible decisions. And it was always my father who stepped in and dealt with the situation.

 

My Father’s Simple Support in My Recovery- Love and Love and Understanding

In Islam daughters are a blessing. My father often tells me how he received his first pay when I was born and how he truly felt blessed.

The Prophet (Pbuh) said: A female child is a blessing.(Furu al-Kafi, v.6, p.5)

He was my support during my treatment years. He took me to all my appointments, waited patiently in his black taxi, while I poured my disordered worries over food and calories to my therapist.

He became sad when I became sad. He told me not to cry because it hurt him.

He would come back from work at 3 am in the morning and would come into my room to check on me. I would normally be sitting on the floor, staring at walls. He would bring me a cup of tea and would put me to bed.

He touched my heart one night many years ago. I became so ill, I thought my mind was shutting down, the whispers of the demon of Eating Disorder were ferocious. In panic I went to his room at 2am and he said I can go to sleep on the other side of his king-bed. He said, “don’t worry my child, your father is here, just go to sleep.”

When I went to hospital for feeding, he was there, when I came out of hospital, he was there.

After completing three months of treatment, he took me and my mother to his favorite place in the world, Malaga and was sad, when I couldn’t walk for more than 5 minutes.

He simply listened and encouraged me to read and write. I couldn’t read at those times and he would read to me.We shared and read so many books together.

He listened to all my worries on weight and calories patiently. I remember spending hours in TV room telling him about my fears on weight gain.

He changed his diet and ate what I ate. I drank fortisip and he drank fortisip. I went through many phases and he was there with me every step of the way. I went through a phase where I wanted lots of Omega 3 in my diet and he was my partner. The days, I couldn’t finish off my meals, he finished them for me.

 

Six Things my Father told me when I was Ill…..

1. I can’t let you die like that. Life and death is in God’s hand, but no parent want to see their child die before them. If you die, I’ll miss you and I’ll cry for you because you’re a good, caring daughter.
2. You’re not fat, it’s your mind and what’s inside your mind that’s fat, keep telling this monster that you’re not fat, you’re special.
3. You’re not crazy they all are crazy. You’re special, when you were five years old you used to write backwards and your doctor told me this is a sign of intelligence.
4. You’ve come so far, you will beat this illness. I am with you, don’t worry about anything, I didn’t send you to university because I wanted you to go out and earn money, I sent you to university for your own self-development. We don’t need the money. Relax, enjoy your life, spend time with me, your mum, your grandmother and be happy.
5. When it comes to you God gives me the patience, when it comes to you I can tolerate anything and everything.
6. So many girls get ill, so many of them come down with this illness. I know you can beat this illness, I believe in you.

 

My Father’s Proud Moment

Last month, my father took me to Malaga with him. He was so proud and so happy, when I managed to walk more than him, without getting tired. When we came back to England, he told everyone how surprised he was by my strength and stamina. We celebrated….

 

We Eat Together

In Malaga, I was so shocked to discover that we both ate in the same manner. We both would start off our meals with lemon water, then soup and a piece of bread with olive oil drizzle and our main course was also the same. Our portion sizes were exactly the same. We both would skip dessert and have it late at night.

 

 Fathers whose daughters suffer from Eating Disorders- Your Daughter’s Eating Disorder doesn’t have to be a silent grief.

The Prophet (Pbuh) said: Daughters are a blessing: they are kind, helpful, good companions, blessed, and like cleanliness. (Vasa’il, v.21, p.362)

There are times when men are way too hard on themselves trying to mask the pain, walk away from the pain, or talk themselves out of the pain of what their daughter is going through. No matter how deep your grief and pain, no matter how alone you feel, you are not alone. Your child’s eating disorder is not your fault. You are not to blame for your child’s Eating Disorder.

Eating Disorder is something that is a daily journey of twists and turns, two steps forward, ten steps back, emotions all over the place, testing of faith and relationships.