Paradise is under the feet of Mother, not the demon of Eating Disorder.
Dear Readers,
A quick post to pay a tribute to all brave mothers who stood by their daughters and continue to stand by them while they battle their eating disorders. I’ve come across many mothers, great mothers, who gave up their careers, their comfort, their social life to help their daughters in their war against eating disorders.
When a child has an Eating Disorder, the whole family suffers. Taking care of a child when he/she is battling an Eating Disorder is one of the most draining and difficult tasks a mother can ever face. Beyond handling physical and mental challenges, she has to deal with the emotional needs of her child and the emotional impact that the eating disorder can have on the entire family.
One thing many people who suffer from Eating Disorders have in common is how Eating Disorders give them distorted perception of their families and loved ones. The one person who endures the most wrath of our disordered eating is our mother. There is very little out there to help her to understand and cope with the total change that comes over her child once they are in the grips of such an illness. For her it’s truly shocking, terrifying and utterly bewildering especially when the child does not want to recover and does not want help. Guilt is something she never gets over as she may wonder time to time if she actually caused her daughter’s eating disorder. Who the daughter was before her eating disorder is not who she becomes with her eating disorder.
How she endure the times that follow the eating disorder treatment or her daughter’s fall into the dark world of eating disorder can not be put into words.
My behavior became so erratic and perilous that I even lost the true sense of who I really was. With anorexia I would spend 20 hours in my bedroom, I wouldn’t sleep, eat or speak to anyone. I was addicted to my way of living. My head would hurt, my body would ache and the hunger would be painful, but I was unable to tear myself away from my bedroom.
When I went to Eating Disorder Unit, things got worst. I became so angry with weight gain and I just wanted to vent my spleen at anyone or everyone who came in my way. All these mood swings, arguments and refusing to eat had a great impact on my entire family.
What really made me break down and finally tell the demon of Eating Disorder to go to Hell was when I woke up one night and I saw my mother lying next to me. I saw each and every line of fatigue around her mouth and eyes caused by years of my illness. I realised that in such a short period, she had aged considerably. Her skin looked dry and there were deep dark circles under her eyes. I never knew or understood how much pressure she was under. A child’s Eating Disorder robs mother of her spirit, and when child refuses to let go of the demon of eating disorder and continues to live under the slavery of the eating disorder, it finally robs mother of her soul.
That night I simply broke down, Allah knows the pain mother goes through, her suffering and the hurt she feels, when her child is disobedient to her and causes her heart ache. I remembered the saying of Prophet Muhammad (pbuh) and this verse from the Holy Qur’an:
The Prophet Muhammad (peace and blessings be upon him) said in a famous narration:
‘Paradise lies at the feet of your mother’ [Musnad Ahmad, Sunan An-Nasâ’i, Sunan Ibn Mâjah]
“And his carrying and his weaning is in thirty months”[Noble Quran 46:15]
“The debt we owe to our mothers is magnified due to the difficult nature of pregnancy – not to mention the nurturing and attention paid to us in our infancy. Moreover, we must treat our mothers in a manner befitting their exalted position – and, again, revere the wombs that bore us.” Deana Nassar
I had to make a decision to let go of my Eating Disorder because it was leading to disobedience towards my mother and causing her a deep pain.
Obedience and respect towards mother is a very important duty in Islam and is similar to performing prayer and keeping fast.
Hurt the Demon of Eating Disorder Causes Mother:
- Eating Disorders leads to anger and often it’s the mother who has to suffer those outbursts of anger.
- Under the shadow of Eating Disorder, we often say harsh things to our mothers, we yell and lose control. Imam Ali ra said:
- Eating Disorders cause mood swings and again it’s the mother who’s in the firing line of those unpredictable moods.
- Eating Disorders bring out worst in us and this hurts the mother deeply, especially when mother tries to feed and nourish her child.
- Allah has ordered us to be kind to our mothers, in the shadow of Eating Disorder, we are anything but kind to our mothers. We are so lost in our own world. The only reality we know is the reality of our Eating Disorder and nothing else.
- Our love for our Eating Disorder takes prevalence over love for our Mother.
I remember the more my parents offered their help, the more I pushed them away because I just wanted to live a life of anorexic, but throughout this ordeal, it was their unconditional love that always touched something deep in my heart. When the time came and I finally realized I needed to beat my illness, the patience, unwavering acceptance my mother had shown allowed me to reach out to her for that help. I knew she was my safe place to fall even though I had pushed her away so many times.
Some reasons for being thankful to our mothers:
- she carried us in her womb for nine months. During this time she sacrificed her sleep and her comfort.
- She was patient and loved us when we cried all night and all day.
- She taught us how to walk, how to talk, how to eat and how to live.
- She protected us when we were young and vulnerable. When we fell ill, she nursed us back to health.
Alhamdulilah we are alive and we have a golden opportunity to thank our mothers. Our mothers are a great blessing from Allah and we should appreciate this blessing as much as we can. We can never repay our mothers for what they have done for us, but all we can do is try our level best, and pray to Allah for guidance.
If you’re Eating Disorder is having an impact on your relationship with your mother, then rethink your Eating Disorder. Eating Disorder is an obsession in that the sufferer’s entire life becomes focused on serving more to the demon of eating disorder. With eating disorder, we can go through aspects of our lives and not really think about how our behaviors are affecting others. It’s in the back of our mind but we often refuse to think think about it.
Is it worth letting this dangerous addiction destroy you and the ones you love most?
