“Instead of trying to meet society’s impossible standards of female beauty, give yourself affirmations on how special you really are. Find the peace and serenity of your life, buried though it may be under many layers. Accept this place where you are on your life’s journey and live with joy and relish.”

We all know how strong media is and how it has over the course of years simultaneously contributed to dieting and size discrimination. According to something fishy, “Super models in all the popular magazines have continued to get thinner and thinner. Modeling agencies have been reported to actively pursue Anorexic models. The average woman model weighs up to 25% less than the typical woman and maintains a weight at about 15 to 20 percent below what is considered healthy for her age and height. Some models go through plastic surgery, some are “taped-up” to mold their bodies into more photogenic representations of themselves, and photos are airbrushed before going to print.“

I came across this article by a former Pakistani super model Aaminah Haq. I remember several years back when I started to follow her on twitter that how surprised I was by her lifestyle changes. It was hard to recognize her, she was no longer a cat-walk model but a house wife with a completely transformed image. Her twitter profile describes her as:

I still remember her tweets, which were later removed (which I shamelessly copied for my research article) about her struggles with her weight and the pressure modeling industry exerts on someone to keep a wafer thin image (I’ve covered this in one of my posts before ). In order to keep this wafer thin image, models often resort to dangerous weight loss methods and end up destroying their health in long-term. Her recent article outlines how a certain waist size does not equal to a happy you and what happiness means to her now when she’s nearly in her forties.

Our Eating Disorder always dictates to us that happiness is all about smaller waist size.  We need to get rid of this negative false voice and remind ourselves that smaller size does not equal to happiness. Happiness is what makes you smile, makes your heart light, happiness is all the little things that make life awesome. 

Eating Disorder = No Happiness

I love this quote from healthy weight website:

“You’re okay just as you are. You are a unique person, capable and loveable, with special talents and strengths, with inner wisdom and creativity – a human being of value. So accept and respect yourself now.Get comfortable with the real you, inside and out.Accept your size and shape, your feelings, yourself, unconditionally. Honor your character, talents and achievements.”

 

“I don’t believe in happy endings.”- Happy You

Aaminah Haq ponders upon the nature of happiness

“The question we most ask ourselves is: ‘am I happy?’ At different points happiness is defined by the amount of money you make, the size of jeans you fit into, or the size of the diamond you wear on your engagement finger. Naturally, none of this is soul searching stuff, just the average things we as women seek out to torture ourselves with; we’re never thin enough, young enough, or smart enough to land the perfect guy or job! Well here’s the thing – there is no traditional fairytale happy ending. Now I know all of you are wondering what I mean by that. Does it mean I’m terribly unhappy? To explain myself a little better, let’s go back to the very question, ‘what is happiness?’

  In my teens, happiness meant becoming hugely successful and being independent (that way I figured my mom would let me have some independence). In my 20s, success meant I had to be the best, and not just for a second but a sustained period so that my peers respected me, and I was considered a valuable member of the fashion industry. In my 30s it meant getting married, having a beautiful home, and creating a new career for myself. At 39, I found myself having come full circle and exploring another life with a whole new set of rules in NYC. How do I measure happiness? Well certainly not by the logos I wear or the size of the bag I carry, not to disrespect any ladies who find happiness in that, it’s just not for me. I measure happiness by the fact that I am blessed with an incredible family, a wonderful network of friends who have stood by me through thick and thin, my pets who have given me more joy than any single accomplishment I ever achieved while modeling, and the ability to land on my feet wherever  I am.

 I can’t lie to you and tell you I’m ‘there’, I know I have miles to go, and many more milestones to cross, but am I happy? Do I see this as my happy ending? As I mentioned before, I don’t believe in happy endings, I believe in what’s now, and what gives me a sense of self-worth and accomplishment.

Of course you must think it’s easy for me to go all zen and eat, pray, love on you; however in all honestly it’s taken me years to find what I call being ‘there’.  Being a former model I have this inbuilt mechanism to equate happiness with my waist size and money in the bank. Well, the sad thing is, when I was at the peak of my career, I was awfully lonely. The night I won my first Lux Style Award, I came home to an empty apartment at midnight and placed my Luxie on my bedside table and went to bed thinking about how I wished I had someone to share that special moment with. I must add here that I met my future husband that night, however we hardly spoke two words to each other as I was too busy being a bundle of nerves backstage. It was only the next day when I woke up and decided: well I’ve got the award, now time to find someone to share my life with that I bumped into Ammar again at the beach, and naturally flirted outrageously with him, setting the ball rolling for a most unconventional romance.

When I got married, and traded in my stilettos for my trusty Nikes, I have to admit I felt a bit out of my depth. Years of being independent, calling all the shots, and not having anyone say no to you makes it tad difficult to settle into domestic bliss, especially if you’re like me and enjoy having a goal in sight. I dabbled in journalism, creative consulting, design, and in my spare time,  saving homeless animals (most of which I would end up adopting or insisting my friends adopted as there was no animal shelter). As fate would have it, just as I began to find my groove,   Ammar announced he was ready to do his Masters which meant being uprooted and starting all over again.

We moved to NYC in Aug 2012, and after what seemed like a shaky start for me – I was on my own (while my husband pursued his degree) – and winging it in a new city, I began to find balance in life when I began to start pursuing my own dreams and career path. I can’t lie to you and tell you I’m ‘there’, I know I have miles to go, and many more milestones to cross, but am I happy? Do I see this as my happy ending? As I mentioned before, I don’t believe in happy endings, I believe in what’s now, and what gives me a sense of self-worth and accomplishment.

Today I’m not my ideal jean size, in fact I’m nowhere near it, I don’t have tons of cash, nor do I currently own anything remotely expensive. My tastes right now run from the cheap/chic variety to pedestrian; however does that define me, or encompass who I am today? Not at all. I strive to find happiness in the little things, and choose to end each day with a sense of purpose and pride, even if it just means I managed to bake a delicious batch of brownies that day, or took a walk in the rain. I believe it is the choices we make in this journey called life that truly define us and serve as a mirror that reflects our true self. I have no idea what the purpose of life is, or if we all get the big, Hollywood happy ending – what I do know is that life means making a choice to be happy or sad – beyond that your guess is as good as mine.”