When you relapse it can leave you feeling trapped in a really scary place. You can feel like a failure and often like all of the hard work that you have put into recovery so far has been for nothing. Often for a time your bulimic behaviours can return with a vengeance. Relapse can repeatedly make you feel like recovery will be impossible, or that it only happens to other people, or that a true recovery never really happens for anyone. I have been a strong believer in all three of those scenarios at one point or another through the years, although now I can happily report that all three are COMPLETELY UNTRUE!
Dear Visitors,
Please find below a very important on relapse by Richard Kerr.
ACCEPTING THAT RELAPSE IS PART OF
RECOVERY
By Richard Kerr: www.bulimiahelp.org
This is Part 7 of the self help E-course and covers the important topic of relapse. Self help tips in this article can be used by all the sufferers of the Eating Disorders.
Relapse can be one of the most challenging aspects of recovery. It is PERFECTLY NORMAL to go through phases of relapse during recovery, especially in those early days where everything is so new. It is how you use those episodes of relapse to move forwards with your recovery that really matters.
Okay so relapse might be a normal part of recovery, but why does it happen?
It is important to understand that everyone relapses for different reasons. These reasons could include:
- Not eating enough food. When you don’t eat enough it can be impossible to fight off physical binge urges because your body is fighting for survival.
- Experiencing a stressful or highly emotional event. When this happens you are so used to numbing negative emotions by bingeing that you can often experience a seemingly unavoidable urge to turn back to bulimic behaviours. Remember it’s okay to embrace those negative thoughts and feelings.
- Feeling overwhelmed with recovery. When this happens you may find yourself ‘needing a break’. It’s true that at first recovery can be draining because you feel like you have to be on guard 24/7 but the longer you can hold on the easier this will get.
- Feeling you had no choice but to relapse. This can happen a lot at the start of recovery when we can tend to put the blame on others for our relapse. For example if you find yourself encouraged to eat on someone else’s terms you may feel like you had no choice. As you continue with recovery you will realise that you always have the choice to say no to a relapse.
- Feeling overly confident with your recovery. Experiencing pride in your own recovery and acknowledging how far you have come is wonderful, but sometimes feeling overly confident can make you complacent with recovery. This can make you more prone to episodes of relapse even if you have been in successful recovery for some time.
The truth is there are many reasons why a relapse could happen, often it can be a combination of reasons.
How do you move on from a relapse?
1. Forgive yourself
Understand that EVERYONE experiences setbacks in recovery. It can be frustrating and upsetting to relapse but you have to learn to forgive yourself.
2. Get back on track
The last thing you can feel like doing after a relapse is getting back to structured eating but it is very important that you do. This will sometimes mean eating soon after a binge, which is difficult but it is the only way to break the cycle.
3. Ask yourself WHY?
Thinking about relapse can be difficult, often you’ll just want to push it to the back of your mind but it is vital that you uncover the reasons for your relapse. The reason can be obvious sometimes, but it can also be a little harder to determine at others. You might even have to experience relapse a few times for the same reason before you realise what that reason is.
4. Learn from it!
As hard as it may be to believe, episodes of relapse can actually be the most important recovery experiences. When you realise why you have relapsed you can begin to look out for patterns and develop new strategies to deal with heightened binge urges. You’ll have a better understanding of when to expect them and a better idea of how to face them.
A word from our BRS® Coach…
When you relapse it can leave you feeling trapped in a really scary place. You can feel like a failure and often like all of the hard work that you have put into recovery so far has been for nothing. Often for a time your bulimic behaviours can return with a vengeance. Relapse can repeatedly make you feel like recovery will be impossible, or that it only happens to other people, or that a true recovery never really happens for anyone. I have been a strong believer in all three of those scenarios at one point or another through the years, although now I can happily report that all three are COMPLETELY UNTRUE!
After my first relapse I felt lost, confused and guilty. I knew that in the past I had come close to relapse but avoided it so I began to ask myself questions. Why this time? What was different this time? What were the things that lead me to take those steps and actually engage in bulimic behaviours rather than just continuing to fight them off? I realised early on how important learning from relapse experiences can be. By asking yourself questions you start to uncover the reasons for your relapse which means you can plan some new defence tactics for when you find yourself in that same situation again. Whether it was being in a stressful situation, finding yourself around challenge foods, feeling overwhelmed with recovery or something else entirely. You have to learn to deal with every type of trigger and urge in order to become fully recovered. Using avoidance tactics can be a great starting point in recovery but if you fall into the trap of avoiding all triggering situations for too long then you are neglecting the real purpose of recovery.
Sometimes recovery can be trial and error and it will never be smooth running but that’s okay because we have to let go of these make-believe ideas of perfection and control, they simply do not exist in the real world and that’s where you’re trying to get yourself right? Recovery might seem so hard at first and relapsing might make you want to throw everything away and give up but in the end, if you keep fighting and learning recovery will give you a life that you never dreamed was possible!
Catherine Liberty (BRS COACH)
When you start to binge and purge less frequently you may find yourself experiencing more negative feelings and emotions…
- You may feel more emotional than normal.
- You may feel anxious depressed or have a strong urge to binge eat.
- You may feel that you were better off before you started recovery.
This is the part of you that is resistant to change and this part of you wants to stay in its comfort zone. It wants to rush back to the ‘comfort of a binge’.
You need to work with the protective side of your personality and teach it that there really is nothing to fear. Persistence will always carry you through those setbacks.
Realise that you are worthy of recovery and understand that everyone else has or will experience relapses during recovery. There is never anything to be ashamed of because you are making progress and that is what counts.
If you want to learn more visit: www.bulimiahelp.org/program
