It’s toughest to forgive ourselves. So it’s probably best to start with other people. It’s almost like peeling an onion. Layer by layer, forgiving others, you really do get to the point where you can forgive yourself.
The more you know yourself, the more you forgive yourself.
The expectations and societal pressures make Ramadan especially hard for people in recovery or struggling for self-care. After all, eating disorders and other mental health issues often stem from our relationship with control. The chaos and emotions can sometimes be enough to throw us back into unhealthy habits or addictive behaviors. There are many sufferers who’ve slipped up during Ramadan. Slipping up means continuing to use Eating Disorder behaviors or activity in spite of its consequences being harmful. Eating Disorder behaviors such as bingeing/purging, exercising, starving are habits that’s gone out of control or something one can’t do without. Your world can shrink almost before you realize what’s happened.You feel ashamed and guilty over your behaviors and you keep holding it against yourself.
According to Colleen Thompson: “Recovering from an eating disorder takes time. You did not develop your eating disorder over night and it will not go away that quickly either. It is important to remember that no one can recover perfectly and there will be slips and relapses during the recovery process. This is normal and it is to be expected.”
This Ramadan Try to Do One Thing and Try to Put this One thing into Perspective.
If you look in the mirror and look yourself in the eyes but you don’t like the person you see, than you need to learn how to love the person that God has created.
So you relapsed during Ramadan? Don’t let one slip up send you to throwing all of your recovery out the window. Some days will be harder than others. Your Eating Disorder has traveled with you into the month of Ramadan. Lower your standards from ideal to real; recovery is hard and no one recovers overnight from their Eating Disorder. There are deeper reasons for Eating Disorder behaviors and also a deeper basis of unhappiness that lies at the root of it. Low self-esteem, suffering, and the inability to cope effectively are at the heart of all Eating Disorders.
Self Forgiveness is Essential for Recovery from Eating Disorder.
Remember that you are not a failure your ED is a Bad Demon .
“I vowed I won’t binge and purge this Ramadan, but I failed, I purged my meal day after day.” (Bulimic Female)
Remember that Relapse is never planned, but prevention of a relapse can be.
The instant after the purge is complete, you feel relieved and in control. You decide maybe you’ll do it again tomorrow for the last time. What’s one more time? And then you’ll never do it again, but then guilt, shame settles in. In the aftermath of a purge, many grapple with their behavior through guilt (” I can’t believe I binged, it’s awful and I feel so bad”), rationalization (“I shouldn’t have, but I did it”). Eating Disorder. Like a troll under a bridge, those of us who struggle with it never know when it’ll leap out and attack. And that’s how your Eating Disorder begins to infiltrate your mind, body, and spirit and the whole of Ramadan.
Eating Disorder is an effective way to cope with life when you don’t understand your emotions; you have only a limited capacity for self-respect, and you don’t have healthy relationships with people.
Have you Forgiven yourself? Probably Not.
Realize, right now, that there is a very big difference between slipping up and failing. So, you’ve used an ED behavior that you regret, you most likely had some reason for doing it at the time (even if that reason doesn’t make rational sense). You didn’t choose your eating Disorder. It’s an invisible progression, a strange discovered way to feel that you control something.
The teachings of Ramadan are designed to help us to become more contented people, to connect with God, to think about our world, by reducing those things in our lives, which cause us suffering [or cause suffering to others], by helping us to reflect more deeply upon the consequences of our actions, and by increasing those things that bring us and others happiness.
- Every choice you have made in the past was the best you could make at that time. If you had known better, you may have made different choices.
- To be imperfect, to make mistakes, to be flawed, weak, afraid is simply part of being human.
Get up, spend time in prayer, God has wiped your slate clean to try again. All things are possible with him who gives us strength. Each day is a new day, and each day counts.
The Importance of Forgiving Yourself
No body is perfect We all make mistakes.
Accept yourself and your Slip ups
Eating Disorder is something that has gone way beyond normal limits, and which is harmful to self. As the Ramadan season progresses, I find it helps to identify your biggest concerns. What are you hungry for? Is it more exercise, more food, more numbness to not to feel the pain of your past? After addressing these concerns, one needs to accept their slip ups, not to be hard on themselves and to forgive their self, so one can move forward with the Ramadan and life. Holding judgement, anger and resentment towards yourself is a major drain on your energy and also destroys your inner space. With an Eating Disorder, there is a tendency in many people to punish themselves endlessly for relatively trivial things. Eating Disorders are significant barriers to experiencing inner peace and joy. When you clearly understand the roots and causes of self-judgement, forgiving yourself becomes much easier.
Above all, recognize that recovery takes time. Because your intentions are good but your time, resources, and skills are limited– so try to get comfortable with that gap between perfection and reality instead of beating yourself up over your slip-ups.
You’ve Got What It Takes to overcome –Compassion for the feelings you have, compassion for yourself. Acknowledge that the behaviours/thoughts/feelings are there at that moment but that they are not always there. The first step is believing in yourself more than you believe in the words of the demon of Eating Disorder. People in all times, need something to make their lives meaningful. Eating Disorders Do Not Make your Life Meaningful.
The key to mastering (not controlling) your Eating Disorder is to notice the early warning signs – and learn to constructively express them.
Talk to someone. it is better to talk about the potential triggers than succumbing to the societal pressure to put on a happy face.
Sometimes you just need to get it off your chest. Talking to someone else about what is bothering you can have serious benefits. When you are upset at yourself, emotions can cloud your reasoning abilities. A loved one will often point out a reason why you deserve to forgive yourself that you never would have seen.
Perhaps this month, may lead you to admit to yourself all sorts of things you preferred to keep secret: that you need help, that you need support to defeat the demon of Eating Disorder. As uncomfortable as it is to tell someone you feel powerless with your Eating Disorder. Our greatest misunderstanding about expressing vulnerability is that we feel weak, when in fact we are at our most powerful. Eating Disorder behaviors are a destructive act of expression, causing others to withdraw or escalate. When we express the truth of our feelings, we forge a creative space for connection, where the magic of human interaction becomes possible. Going beneath our Eating Disorder allows us to live constructively.
Remember the true joy of the Ramadan—the revelation of Qur’an, the month of blessings, the month to redeem ourselves. Take care of yourself, then celebrate what you are thankful for.
Allah created us for acceptance, not rejection, and connection, not separation and abandonment. With self-love and belief in recovery, we can become stable, mature, healed, whole and vibrant individuals.