Dear Readers,
I came across Mia from Lebanon on Twitter. Her Twitter profile explains her as:
Thegirlwithajourney
@the_journeygirl
I’m just a lebanese girl who has battled an eating disorder, who wants to reach others that might not have a voice, or the courage to ask for help.
Eating Disorders don’t discriminate and affect everyone regardless of age, gender and socio-economic status. A person who has been through this torture knows very well how all of a sudden life can seem out of control. You feel alone and abandoned. Eating Disorders affect the way a person thinks, it devastates your spirit, your career, your faith and your faith in yourself. I was very touched by Mia and her willingness to share her story with our readers on this Blog. An extraordinary person, our Mia is, who faced her personal challenges of living with Eating Disorder with dignity and perseverance. It takes an “extraordinary” amount of courage to speak the truth of our lives. It does take courage and boldness – but a lot of that has to do with the hostile reception we’re afraid of, and all too often, receive. It’s in large part this negative reaction, with its judgment and shaming (or worse) that creates the circumstances where it takes “extraordinary courage” to reveal our pain and our need for help. Dear Mia, it’s so courageous of you to share your struggles with us, Thank you so much and God Bless you.
Interview with Mia
Maha Khan (MK): When did you realize you had an eating disorder?
M: Realizing you have formed an eating disorder is one thing, and realizing the intensity and gravity of it is another. From day 1 when my bulimia started, I knew I was doing something drastic to lose weight, the eating and the instant purging. But it took me a year to realize that what I had formed was an actual disease when I noticed that it took over my mindset as a priority in my life; my eating disorder dictated my lifestyle, it became difficult not to think about it.
MK: Did your family and friends notice your ED?
M: My battle lasted 6 years and you would think that my family would have noticed it, but they never did. Yes, they would tell me I was looking too thin, and my mom would make sure I had a good meal whenever we would eat together, but they never questioned me about having an eating disorder. I don’t want you to think that they aren’t supportive, we are a tight loving family; the sad issue is that living in the middle east, I really believe they have no idea what being anorexic or bulimic consists of, or even what it means.
MK: Do you know what caused your eating disorder?
M: Yes, I do. I actually write candidly about the experience on my blog, in Chapter 1 of the “My Diary” section. It was almost ten years ago, I was 15, and my best friend mentioned to me that I have gained a little weight and admitted herself to being bulimic and I got influenced very fast, very quickly.
Why did I get pressured quickly? Would anyone else have gotten this easily influenced to become bulimic from that one comment? Those are two questions that I used to ask myself quite often and I have come to the conclusion that an eating disorder also affects those with some past traumas, and when I say traumas it does not necessarily mean something huge that has happened, it can also for example be having a family dynamic that is not from the norm, or being emotionally left alone for so many years and so on.
MK: What pressures girls to develop an eating disorder, is it society, media or something else?
M: Media constantly displays images of what society perceives to be the stereotypical perfect body, and that is definitely to be thin. Social media plays a big role, from all the mediums that allow them to post pictures such as twitter, Facebook, Instagram where they are constantly judging and being judged by others, and that creates a load of pressure for these girls. The rise of celebrity culture also adds an important amount of stress for them since they are constantly comparing themselves (most of the time negatively) to how their bodies are formed and they tend to forget that these images are played with and rectified with the help of Photoshop and other applications. For girls with low self esteem, the digital world becomes a nightmare where it is very easy to fall into.
MK: What kind of eating disorder do you suffer from?
M: It first started out as bulimia, but for a while it turned into anorexia. These two come together. I have been eating disorder free for two years now; however, I believe that after recovery, those thoughts moderately come back but the key is I have developed control that won’t let these thoughts take any toll on me.
MK: How did ED change your life?
M: It depends on the stages. At first, it made me thinner, hence more self confident. Everything I would put on suddenly fit me and fit me very well. It gave me a boost. However, after a while, it took over my mindset which was very very difficult. My mood was influenced by how I felt about my weight that day and it’s not an easy way to live. Also, my immune system got affected, it became very low.
MK: Do you think there’s an understanding of ED in Lebanon? And how aware is the Lebanese society of ED?
M: No, there unfortunately isn’t. They have an association called MEEDA (Middle East Eating Disorder Association) but its exposure isn’t enough.
The subject is never talked about on any media outlet, and this is why girls who are affected by it do not talk about it because they feel ashamed and alone. They think they are the only ones suffering from it since no one ever talks about it. No one needs to struggle in silence, this subject needs to stop being so taboo. It is making these girls suffer more than they should by not giving them a voice, a platform, or even the courage to speak up and ask for help.
MK: Why is ED such a taboo subject in Lebanon?
M: The reason it is taboo is a combination of the lack of knowledge that is provided, as well as the perception that the Lebanese people have built when it comes to the little knowledge that they do in fact have. I believe that our society does not accept any mental illnesses; they do not understand them, and they do not accept them. Even going to a therapist can be looked at as a peculiar thing. Someone with an eating disorder can be labeled as being weak, and fragile. This is exactly why someone affected by it does not have the guts to ask for help fearing scrutiny, and judgment.
MK: What was your darkest day in ED?
M: I have had a few of them. They were all the same though. I would choose to seclude myself for 3-4 days straight in my apartment just to punish myself. This might not make sense for people who have never had an eating disorder. I remember being depressed, isolated, and drained many times.
MK: When did you realize you needed help for your ED? When did you decide to recover?
M: It just happened. There was no defining moment; I just simply realized that being controlled by something was not the way I wanted to live anymore. I did not want my life to be on hold. I felt like life was passing me by and I was not enjoying every moment of it. I just needed to count my blessings, which I forgot to do for a very long time. My personality has changed, I stopped being the bubbly, lively, energetic girl that I was always described as. I needed to find myself again, and I finally did. It was not easy at all, recovering on my own without any help or guidance; but it was definitely worth it.
MK: Did your ED affect your relationships?
M: Having an eating disorder definitely affects relationships. Because of the fact that you start resenting yourself, you start resenting everything around you. Self-worth and self-esteem, in my opinion, are key elements when developing and nourishing the relationships you have with your surrounding; without them, it is extremely difficult to develop and sustain healthy relationships. Also, when you have an eating disorder, you are living in secrecy, you are hiding a disease that has taken over most of your being. People might think that you are just being distant, and not caring since they do not know what is actually going on. Hence, they might not want to develop a friendship with you since they find it difficult to relate to you.
Personally I was very lucky that I got to keep the friends that I have and that they stuck by me. Yes, I was more emotionally absent, even if I was physically there; but after I opened up to them and confessed that I had battled an eating disorder, the reaction was very heartwarming. Makes me emotional whenever I think about it. I am forever grateful.
MK: What can people do to beat this illness?
M: I wish I had asked for help sooner. I don’t like to regret, I believe learning is much better than regretting.
To those who are reading this and are affected by an eating disorder, please ask for help. Life is short, and we are put on this earth to enjoy and savor its blessings. Spending it counting calories, following rigid diets, living in secrecy is not worth it. it gets better I promise you that it does. If you are too scared to ask for help, find something that you love and focus on that. Whether it is reading, writing, painting, working out, traveling (…) whatever it is, do it.
MK: Any message to our readers?
M: Whether you are affected by an eating disorder or not, it is important to be aware. We should all join forces and make this subject less taboo than it is. Many are affected by an eating disorder in silence just because of the fact that the Middle East perceives it in a very wrongful way. Let’s talk about it, raise awareness, and get to a point where an eating disorder victim won’t feel ashamed and repentant to ask for help.
This is the reason why I’m doing this blog, so I can lend my voice to those who are still looking for a way out. I learnt so much from going through this battle alone that I feel like I would be a reliable spokesperson for this cause. I would not have done this blog if I did not believe that I was capable. It fills my heart to know that I have helped someone, even if I got to reach one single person.
I also would like to thank you Maha for raising awareness, God bless you for what you are doing and I hope that one day we will be able to break this mold, and once and for all reach the goal of establishing a clear understanding of what an eating disorder is, and not let is be associated with wrongful terms.
Love, Mia.
http://www.thegirlwithajourney.com/
Follow her on Twitter: Thegirlwithajourney @the_journeygirl
Email: girlwithajourney@gmail.com
