Some Worrying Reflections of Person with ED on Eid!

I remember in olden days, I used to also get so excited and happy in Eid, I used to get new clothes, and get all kind of sweets and chocolates, and plan what is for breakfast. I used to desperately wait for Eid prayers, and go along with my family. Oh I cannot tell how those days were different, not having to worry is a blessings. I am not sure if I miss how I was before because I don’t know what suddenly changed or what suddenly happened that got me to the point I am right now. My eating disorder controlled each part of my life, and took me away from “me”. I don’t feel like I am a person anymore, I don’t really know who am I.

 

 

Dear Readers,

 

Ramadan is now almost over (well it depends where you are in the world) and Eid is here. We asked some people to share their reflections on celebrating Eid with Eating Disorders. We have first account here from Arabian Gulf. We share this to create awareness of Eid Eating Disorders and the pressure sufferers go through on the day. Family members and loved ones of those that are suffering from Eating Disorder or someone in recovery may need your extra support and help to make the Eid celebrations less stressful and more manageable. In our society Eid is a huge celebration, it;s filled with colour, glitz, glamour and lots of family.

We often overlook the state of a sufferer, We are looking for a perfect Eid and the family all celebrating in grand style, but this is often unattainable.

Having these unrealistic expectations can lead to disappointment, frustration, and more stress among the relatives of an addict or in recovery.  These false expectations can also bring strain and anxiety to the sufferer or the person in recovery as well. Many family members assume that once you are in recovery or Ramadan is over that you will become happy and blissful when in reality you are struggling and trying to cope with the pressure even more now.

 

 

 

Some Worrying Reflections of Person with ED on Eid!

 

 

When I was first asked to write a post about what I feel that Eid is soon, I thought that I had a lot to say as I was filled with anger to myself and frustration as to how much pressured I will from my parents, and how much pressure I will put to myself. And now as I am writing this and thinking what to actually say as I am most probably going to end up crying all day in Eid.

Before Ramadan starts, I was worried about Ramadan starting, and now that Ramadan is coming to an end, I am worried about Eid. Sub han Allah

Also, I am extremely terrified of the fact of CHANGE, from Ramadan back to normal routine, and that made me constantly question myself “what I will do after Ramadan”, and “how can I change my routine back to how it was before” and also mostly worried about the sudden shocks I am giving to my body, and I am not sure how it will handle it.

This is okay and normal to every human being, when Eid is on the way, you get excited and happy, and looking forward to all the family gatherings and celebrations. But to a person with an Eating disorder, unfortunately that’s not the case.

I remember in olden days, I used to also get so excited and happy in Eid, I used to get new clothes, and get all kind of sweets and chocolates, and plan what is for breakfast. I used to desperately wait for Eid prayers, and go along with my family. Oh I cannot tell how those days were different, not having to worry is a blessings. I am not sure if I miss how I was before because I don’t know what suddenly changed or what suddenly happened that got me to the point I am right now. My eating disorder controlled each part of my life, and took me away from “me”. I don’t feel like I am a person anymore, I don’t really know who am I.

Eid preparations for this Ramadan are nothing basically, in my current situation I would prefer to stay home, and not go for dinner with my family as that will include so much stress and I will be in so much tension that will cause anger and nothing good. Usually every Eid for the past almost 4 years I tend to hurt myself due to my family saying things they shouldn’t say about things they really don’t know about.
I am scared from what will happen, and I am really scared to how my family will react to what I am planning to do, which is stay home and not go out with them for dinner.

I have Bulimia, and Yes, I admit I have bulimia, it took me so long to accept and say the word, I was in denial for so long when all the signs were actually so clear out. But I thought to myself that if I convince myself that I don’t have an eating disorder, I won’t have it. So, I kept lying to myself and accepting it. Now that I think about it, I ask myself “who was I actually lying to?” I was lying to no one but myself and that is stupid. And that didn’t remove the fact that I have it but rather it got me more into it. My behaviors, and actions all worsened. But again, that’s the past and I cannot change it, I can change what is coming, maybe it out of my control to change what Eating disorder has done to me, but there is always something better.

 

How can we make Eid better for a person who struggles with an Eating disorder?

Honestly speaking, forcing a person to eat is never the right way to make Eid better. What I think will really help a person struggling with an Eating disorder is letting them know that you are there for them, and that they have your support, I think that way the person with an ED him/herself will start to eat, and also enjoy Eid.

Forcing a person to do something is never the right way to anything, but showing the person support can trigger him/her to act and do things that are good to themselves.

The mental, physical and emotional pressure you put on a person with an eating disorder itself can cause more ED related behaviors, and attitudes.

 

Also, never force them to talk, and give them time for themselves as the ED voice itself might be loud, and they might be fighting with themselves all day long. Try to do things they love.

Once I wrote the below short writing:

 

Sometimes you don’t want to talk about what’s hurting you

Because you don’t know where to start or where to end

But at some point, you feel that you want to let it out

But letting it out makes no sense

You can’t frame sentences or say the right words

So, everything piles up all together

When you’re speaking, your mind is screaming

It’s like a bunch of too many things in your mind fighting all together

So, you laugh and you try to calm down

And hope not to burst out and sorry it just hurts

 

I personally think that if for once, I had to spend Eid in a place that involved no food, I would indeed enjoy it and you would a different kind of person, and not the person that you see right now.

 

Do you think Eid adds extra pressure on sufferers?

Yes, indeed, as mostly people with Eating disorders prefer to stay alone, and do everything alone, especially eating. And having pressured already that Ramadan is ending has got so much pain for them already, plus Eid, too many family outings, gatherings, talks, they can be at their worst, and anything can push them to the edge.

 

Many people find Eid difficult especially when it comes to eating with family and dressing up – do you feel the same?

Yes, I always like to wear baggy and very lose clothes so that I cover all the fats in my body, and that usually let’s other people give very negative comments, and I feel like I am making my family embarrassed. On normal days, when I sometimes used to go out with my brother, he never liked the way I dress and always commented on how I should change it and wear nice clothes. Also, I tend to always feel cold even in a hot weather, and the comments I receive are really too much as I wear multiple layers of clothes. This Eid, I didn’t buy myself anything, and honestly, I couldn’t go and look and search for clothes when I have a lot already to deal with.

I am not sure about food as I am sort of 100% sure that I will not eat a single calorie in front of my family members or anyone. I will try to escape from hanging out and stay home. Though I know that will cause worse things for my family and will make them worry more about me. I wish I was for once understood. Or not really understood, just accepted.

 

 

Thank You so Much for sharing this. It takes courage to share something so deep, and you indeed have the courage to soar and recover and reach new heights.

And We truly believe that!!!

About Islam and Eating Disorders 868 Articles
Islam and Eating Disorders founded in 2012 – run by Maha Khan, the blog creates awareness of Eating Disorders in the Muslim world, offers information and support for sufferers and their loved ones.

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