What happened after 33 Years of ED

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It is okay to admit that your wounds are still open. That you are still healing. It takes time. It takes time.

Alison Malee

 

 

Dear Readers,

Please find below a very inspiring post from HealED. This was sent to us by Ali Kerr.  We hope you’ll find this post very inspiring in your journey to recovery and healing.

 

What happened after 33 Years of ED

 

Last week a reader emailed me her personal story after 33 years of ED.
It was so honest and beautiful it made me shed a tear.

So with her permission, I’m sharing it with you.

This email really captures both the amazing changes AND
frustrating struggles on the path to binge freedom.

Brenda’s Story

 

Hello,

After 33 years of raging bulimia and binge eating. 
I was sick and tired of being sick and tired.
I made a decision on a skiing trip to get help from somewhere, anywhere.
Surfing the internet in the mountains in Andorra I stumbled across you.

I bought the book, I joined the Facebook page (I left as I was too anxious) and I read everything and listened to everything.
I obsessively read and re-read your emails Ali, looking for flaws and ways out. 
I have really struggled with every aspect of the process, 
I have doubted everything, 
I have doubted my ability to change,
I have given up daily. 
I desperately hoped you weren’t clever marketeers like the dieting industry. 
I needed something to stop the weight gain and the loss of control.
Ultimately though – I just believed you in my guts and had no other option. 

And….
I have been bulimia free, with around 10 lapses of one off episodes lasting 1-2 hours, since 1/1/18.
I have gained more weight around my middle, the thing I most feared
I have lost control, another thing I feared. 
So damn hard! 
I have hated and struggled every bit of this. 
I feel as though I don’t know myself anymore, who am I now, what is my identity now?

But….
I no longer fear food.
I eat everything.
I am closer to my husband.
I eat really good food.
I have more energy.
I know what my triggers are.
I no longer feel damaged.
I no longer blame my past.
I am learning to self nurture (going to bed early)
I know when I am hungry.
I know when I am full.
I know how to breath and talk away a binge.
I can stop a binge just as I feel one coming on.
I am more emotional.
I am learning to accept myself.
I am lifting weights and doing yoga – neither obsessively like before.
It’s a miracle and I am just starting to see the light.
I think I am loosing the emergency weight my body has gained as i recover.
I shy away from food restricting.
I am seeing diets for what the are – mass control of people.
I am learning a gentler way of talking to myself.

I think I may be cured of this sickness. I was just bloody hungry!

I get a lump in my throat when I write this, it makes me believe in the existence of angels.

I needed to acknowledge my overwhelming gratitude to you and your husband for your wisdom, clarity and dedication.

Thank you,

Brenda

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Thank you for sharing your story Brenda.

You are an inspiration!

Feel free to email me through your stories. I love reading them!

Your friend and coach,

Ali Kerr Bulimia Help

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About Author

Islam and Eating Disorders founded in 2012 – run by Maha Khan, the blog creates awareness of Eating Disorders in the Muslim world, offers information and support for sufferers and their loved ones.

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