My Eating Disorder… My dark bubble

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 I’ve been absolutely terrified every moment of my life – and I’ve never let it keep me from doing a single thing I wanted to do.

– Georgia O’Keeffe

Dear Readers,

 

Please find below an incredible story from Qatar, ‘My Eating Disorder my dark bubble’.  This story gives us hope recovery is possible. Thank you so much F for this wonderful contribution. Thank you for joining us in our war against eating disorders. Wishing you the very best in life.

 

 

Qatar

 

 

My Eating Disorder… My dark bubble

 

Rise from the bottom

You’ve seen my descent. Now watch my rising!

 

bubble

 

 Where am I?
Oh! Yes… I remember… I’m here in a place which I lived in for years.
I’m here, but invisible to be seen!
It’s dark with no little light, cold to cause my body shaking, lonely, and hardly to breath.

I’m here in a bubble full of rules and constraints.
A harsh voice being with me all the time.
Directing and instructing me to do what he want me to do & obey!
The voice always telling me:
“You need to work hard next time.
What you do is not enough.
You will never reach what you want.”
And the next time, I do it very hard but never satisfied.

Time… I count the time. I’m obsessed with TIME.
Every hour, minute, and second means something to me. 
“It’s the time to sleep, eat, drink, walk, run, sit, stand,”
and the list never end!

I want to stop this, to be out from the misery…
But I’m afraid to go out from my comfort borders.
I’m tired, weak, breathless and want to be in peace!
I’m afraid that the harsh voice will be angry of me.
Actually, he always told me that: 
“The moment you take one step out, you will be lost.”

But I know this is not the truth.
I want to be free & me!
My lovely precious soul,
we need to hold & stand for each other…
to begin our freedom battle… to fight!

I’m seeing lights, some tiny lights…
a light came within me…
and the other holding & pulling me out.

Am I out now?
Am I free now?
Where is the dark bubble?
It disappears, crashed without return.
I’m able to take a deep inhale… TO BREATH!

Recovery is…
love,
hope,
and strength.
Recovery is to be able to…
breath,
live,
be free,
and to be the real you.

I’m a girl who overcame her fears and started breathing again.

 

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About Author

Islam and Eating Disorders founded in 2012 – run by Maha Khan, the blog creates awareness of Eating Disorders in the Muslim world, offers information and support for sufferers and their loved ones.

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