The when game

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“Stay strong. Even when it feels like everything’s falling apart.”

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Dear Readers,

 

Please find below another wonderful post from Ali Kerr. We hope you’ll find it useful in your journey to recovery and healing.

 

 

 

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I had lost count of the number of times I promised myself to never binge again, only to fail a few days, or even hours, later.

I was out of control.
Nothing could stop me from bingeing.
I even binged, then purged, on a plane, in the middle of a flight, one time.

I can also remember finding a small bag of mixed sweets that somebody had left on a seat when I was working at my local cinema.
I couldn’t resist the urge.
I grabbed the bag and devoured the sweets right then and there.

I can hardly believe that now.
Even somebody’s leftovers were way too tempting to pass up.

It is truly amazing to think about the lengths that the urges can force us to go to.
I was beginning to seriously question my own sanity.

Despite confronting the strength of those urges day in and day out, I still couldn’t confront the reality of my life.

I wanted to bury my head in the sand and pretend that it didn’t exist.

I continued on delaying recovery.
After all, there is always tomorrow, right?

After all, I’d have a much better chance at success if I just waited for the right time.
I would recover, of course I would – but only when the circumstances for my recovery were absolutely perfect.

It is so easy to play the ‘when’ game.

 •    When I have more time…
    •    When I am less stressed…
    •    When I feel ready…
    •    When my kids are older and more independent…
    •    When the new week starts…

The truth is that the perfect time never comes.
The stars never align in quite the right way.

However, I’ve also learnt that the monster isn’t as scary as it might seem.
It’s just that we keep on wasting our energies on delaying the task, rather than getting it over and done with.

There are five surprisingly powerful words that I want you to say to yourself:

 if not now, then when?

This doesn’t apply exclusively to your health.
This isn’t JUST about your eating disorder.
It applies to everything that you’ve been putting off.

What do you want to do? And why aren’t you doing it yet?

If not now, then when?

If I was able to do it, then you will be able to get there too. I promise.

Your friend and coach,

 

Ali Kerr

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Islam and Eating Disorders founded in 2012 – run by Maha Khan, the blog creates awareness of Eating Disorders in the Muslim world, offers information and support for sufferers and their loved ones.

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