Wanting to recover is the first big step in the recovery process. Without motivation or a desire to change you are not going to put all of your effort and dedication into making changes. When you don’t want to recover it is important to think about why. What is holding you back? What is the benefit to staying unhealthy or in a negative state? Once you begin to work through these things the motivation to recover will likely follow in time. As always, it is important to be monitored and talk with someone if you are at immediate risk or harm to yourself or someone else.
Please find below a very wonderful post from Lauren from Heal ED. There are many sufferers who don’t want to go for recovery. They feel ED is integral part of their lives and without ED, they’ll be forever lost. I’ve been asked many questions on What to do when you don’t even want to recover? Lauren answers this question brilliantly. We hope you’ll find the post helpful in your journey to recovery and healing.
I am going to be very up front with you with one of the TRUTHS about recovery…
If you don’t do this then it’s very black and white… this ONE TRUTH is what leads you down the path into a life of freedom OR a life of hell, struggle and pain, your choice…
It’s something that you have to remember each and every day.
No matter how far you go.
No matter whats happening in your life.
No matter what you feel.
No matter if you don’t think you can handle it.
No matter if your entire life begins to fall down around you.
No matter if you want to give up.
No matter how other people treat you.
No matter how your body looks.
No matter what has happened in the past, or yesterday, or this morning.
You still have to do this one thing,
Otherwise you will FAIL…
I know it sounds harsh, and maybe it is. But I do feel like I have a responsibility to share what’s on my heart today, and the reality of life IN and AFTER recovery.
I bet you’re wondering what that one thing is…
Do you know what I’m about to say?
It doesn’t matter what happens in your life, the truth is that you STILL have to CONSCIOUSLY CHOOSE RECOVERY EVERY DAY.
The reason WHY you have to choose this every day is because what you are doing when you choose recovery is essentially choosing LOVE.
At the heart of recovery is love. Every act you take in recovery is an act of self love for yourself.
Recovery means choosing the path of love, every single day, forever.
Recovery means that you wake up in the morning and you choose to take care of yourself in the energy of LOVE.
Nourishing your body the way it craves.
Feeding yourself healthy energizing food and water— the foods your body wants in the quantities it needs. Doing your best to do this, no more or no less.
Not trying to be perfect about it either, or obsessing about it in a super harsh, controlling or perfectionistic way.
Eating for health and detaching from the outcome of what its going to “do” to your body.
Letting go of the control and manipulation over your body’s appearance.
Allowing yourself to have a loving relationship with food and your body in which you find the fluidity in the stability.
You have a structure yet you also have flow within the structure.
You feel free to eat what you want, when you want it, within the guidelines that fit for YOU and your own unique personality, environment, preferences and health needs.
Most importantly— choosing LOVE for yourself in the way in which is in ALIGNMENT with your SOUL.
On a physical level, some days this means its more food, some days its less (…UNLESS you’re on a food plan– then what is in alignment, is that, and we learn to accept that as an act of self love. But where I’m at– intuitive eating– it fluctuates day by day. And that is love!).
Some days you might want all crunchy raw salads, veggies or fruits. You might want meat one day and tofu the next, and that is totally okay.
Some days you might want pastas, and pizza and bread. And you might even choose GF or a different type of pasta, such as rice or quinoa pasta because you find that it feels good in your body, and you choose that because that is taking care of yourself, not because you have some obsessive rule about having it have to be a certain way.
You find that you don’t need a “label” to describe you and what your food choices are (cause really, who fricking cares?!).
Some days you just want a donut. Haha this is totally me!! I LOVE apple fritters and when I want one, I have one. But it doesn’t mean I eat them every single day or even once a month, or have any rules around having them twice a week or something. It’s just when I want it, and that is choosing LOVE!
Some days you want chocolate and sweets, and that’s okay. Choosing love means working with your own unique body and not depriving yourself from those things that you really crave, yet eating them in quantities that feel good to you and respect your body’s needs and limits.
I have fallen in love with this dark chocolate made with stevia, which means it has no sugar in it, and I find this to be extremely loving for myself and also gives me my sweet tooth fix when I’m having a chocolate craving.
Consciously choosing recovery means not purging, ever.
Consciously choosing recovery means not punishing yourself with exercise, laxatives or starving yourself, or trying the latest diet fad.
You do want to work out, and move your body, and choosing love means that you choose the types of exercise that truly feel good and fuel your soul. Maybe that’s Crossfit, or maybe its Hatha Yoga, or Pole Dancing or just walking. You listen to your soul and practice what it is that your energy needs each day. Whatever that is— choose it out of LOVE for yourself.
You don’t even have to work out every day. I sure don’t. If it’s more loving to yourself to stay in, to sit on the couch— then choose THAT as an act of self love for yourself.
The whole point is to consciously CHOOSE RECOVERY EVERY SINGLE DAY, in EVERYTHING YOU DO— NO MATTER WHAT, FOREVER.
I STILL TO THIS DAY HAVE TO CONTINUE TO CHOOSE LOVE.
Even when it might be more convenient to NOT choose love. Cause, really I know!! There is so much EXCESS around us, so much JUNK, so much BOMBARDING us through social media, so much FAKE PHOTOSHOPPED SHIT through the media, TV, billboards and advertising. It can be tempting to want to do something to try and get that quick FIX or HIGH or buy into the shit that our minds try to convince us of, right?
I love myself, and I have to say that just because I love myself doesn’t mean that I always don’t not make loving choices for myself.
I am NOT perfect, I’m not always fully awake and conscious every moment of every day, and I certainly am NOT always in the flow with everything in my life all the time.
Sometimes I go too long without food and I get hungry.
Sometimes I feel uncomfortable in the way my body feels or digests food.
Sometimes I feel heavy inside my body and I just want to be light.
Sometimes I would rather not eat because it’s inconvenient.
Sometimes I would rather eat more than enough because it just tastes good.
Sometimes I put off my responsibilities and I don’t show up in the way I want to.
Sometimes I would rather NOT choose to take care of myself.
And I’ll tell you — I am NOT perfect.
But each and every day I do my very best to live up to my values.
I do what I say I’m going to do.
I practice what I preach.
BUT ITS STILL A CHOICE.
I take care of myself in SO MANY WAYS— by eating healthy food that makes me feel good and energized, moving my body in a way that feels good, getting massages, facials, spending time in nature, connecting with friends, doing satisfying work, giving and receiving pleasure, and treating myself to things that I want and deserve.
These are ALL ways that I consciously CHOOSE LOVE and RECOVERY and FREEDOM every single day.
AND because I’ve been doing them every day for YEARS, it feels good and in alignment and pretty fucking automatic to do so.
I listen to my body.
I treat myself with love.
I nourish my body with healthy loving food!!
BUT ITS STILL A CHOICE.
I do my best to move my body and sweat when I need it, and do yoga and be more gentle on myself when my body needs a rest.
Here in Bali these past few weeks I have been eating SO much vegan raw food its amazing and feels really good… AND, I rode by a burger joint today and thought that would make a delicious dinner, mmm that sounds delicious.
It’s all about BALANCE, finding HARMONY and ALIGNMENT with the way in which you treat yourself, making all your choices from a place of LOVE for yourself.
BUT ITS STILL A CHOICE.
Being in ALIGNMENT with your SOUL.
You have to CHOOSE that every day.
Some days are easier than others.
I know some days there are those voices that creep in that it gets REALLY DIFFICULT…
I remember when my eating disorder voice was very active and LOUD inside my head, and that voice will try to convince you to do the OPPOSITE.
The ED will try to get you to REACT out of FEAR.
When you listen to that voice, you know it.
It might even feel like you, but deep down you KNOW that what you are doing feels very WRONG within your soul.
Because when you listen to it, when you are under its spell, it means that you are continuing to live a life filled with fear, control and manipulation.
And the only person you are manipulating is yourself.
You know when you are out of alignment— and if you’re questioning yourself here, THINK ABOUT IT…If you WEREN’T, you wouldn’t be here reading this, right??
Deep down inside, how do you know if you are CHOOSING LOVE or REACTING out of fear?