Tuba’s Binge Eating Story- Never Lose Faith

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If we don’t change, we don’t grow. If we don’t grow, we aren’t really living. -Gail Sheehy

Dear Readers,

Please find below a story from Tuba on her struggles with Binge Eating Disorder (BED). This Ramadan, I received many Emails and messages from people who suffered from BED. The problem is serious, in fact very serious, because nearly all of the sufferers were going through guilt, shame and depression.

If you want to hold the beautiful one, hold yourself to yourself.

Mevlana Rumi (1207 – 1273)

About BED

BingeEatingCycle

Binge-eating disorder is a serious eating disorder in which you frequently consume unusually large amounts of food and feel unable to stop eating.

Almost everyone overeats on occasion, such as having seconds or thirds of a holiday meal. But for some people, excessive overeating that feels out of control and becomes a regular occurrence crosses the line to binge-eating disorder.

When you have binge-eating disorder, you may be embarrassed about overeating and vow to stop. But you feel such a compulsion that you can’t resist the urges and continue binge eating. If you have binge-eating disorder, treatment can help. Mayo Clinic

About half of the people who binge eat have a mood disorder such as depression.

If your struggling with Binge Eating, then please seek help immediately. If you don’t get help, it’s harder to recover from binge eating disorder. It might also make you more likely to have a setback.

 

 Tuba’s Binge Eating Story

 

 
I have had a problem with binge eating for over five years now. Each year, it has gotten worse. I didn’t realize that I may have a problem until I got to college and decided to major in psychology. That’s when I began to recognize all of the symptoms in me 
 
It began when I started to really get stressed. There were several personal problems going on in my life at the time, mainly that my father was ill. There were days when I would be at home alone after school because he was in the hospital and I was waiting for my mother to come home from work. I’m an only child so I didn’t have any siblings who could notice, and because neither of my parents would be home, I could do whatever I wanted. 
 
So I would get off of the bus and chat with my friends. When they would ask me to stay with them and chat a bit more, I would say, “No, I have a lot of homework” or “My parents are waiting” or some other excuse that would get me home so I could stuff my face.
 
I started by eating a normal meal in front of the TV. Then I would start thinking about whatever was bothering me. I didn’t want to think about it so I would run into the kitchen and get some more food. I would grab the first thing that I could and just eat as much as I could.
 
As I grew older, the habit continued. I started hiding wrappers under my bed. I would wake up in the middle of the night and make myself a whole meal, even though I had had a decent dinner with my family. There were times when I would even hide the plate that I had emptied under my bed until the next day when no one was home. 
 
Lately, it’s still been pretty rough, however I started seeing a therapist. We talked about my problems and just talking about them helped me to control myself a little better. One of my biggest problems was that I wasn’t sleepy at night while the world slept, so it was a good time for me to eat without anyone seeing. But the guilt that followed made me feel terrible. 
 
Ramadan used to be a time when I could binge eat without being judged. I could eat a lot in front of everyone, whereas during the rest of the year I would feel I had to hide it. 
 
Last year during Ramadan I would binge eat after breaking my fast, and no one really said anything because everyone just wanted to eat.  This year, however I am trying to turn over a new leaf and show more restraint. I guess for me, I think fasting has obtained a whole new meaning. It no longer means to abstain from food and sins during the day. Instead, it means to abstain from whatever will cause me harm even after I break my fast.
 
Not only that, but I have found praying is really helpful. I ask Allah to give me the strength to eat healthier every day. I can share my pain with Him and pray that He makes things better, therefore relieving some of the stress. I am not the best Muslim in the world, but I feel that by trying to be a better Muslim, Allah has, in a way, helped me to become a healthier and happier one.
 
I still go to therapy, but my therapist says I am doing much better than when I first saw her. I hope I continue on this path and I hope my story inspires other so never lose faith. 

Thank you so much for sharing your story with us Tuba. Nothing but the best wishes for your future.

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About Author

Islam and Eating Disorders founded in 2012 – run by Maha Khan, the blog creates awareness of Eating Disorders in the Muslim world, offers information and support for sufferers and their loved ones.

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